


In wich John gets his first pokemon

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Pokestuck, This is going to be fucklong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 06:34:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is John Egbert. Today it is your 15th birthday, and you and every other teenager of your town haven't got any starters before because professor Oak was on a study somewhere else. Pffft that old man is useless. You've got many friends, for your village is ridiculously small so every kid had to stick together. Your best friends are Rose, Jade and Dave on whom you've got a crush on since you know him. He can be an asshole, but he's still fucking hot and awesome. For those who aren't fast, YOU ARE GAY.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In wich John gets his first pokemon

**Author's Note:**

> Ok man I might be writing slow but I'm putting like all my energy into it

Your name is John Egbert. Today it is your 15th birthday, and you and every other teenager of your town haven't got any starters before because professor Oak was on a study somewhere else. Pffft that old man is useless. You've got many friends, for your village is ridiculously small so every kid had to stick together. Your best friends are Rose, Jade and Dave on whom you've got a crush on since you know him. He can be an asshole, but he's still fucking hot and awesome. For those who aren't fast, YOU ARE GAY.   
Its gray outside. its not sunny often actually. Luckily, because Trolls are very sensible to sunlight. A good example is your friend Terezi. Vriska locked her outside and she turned fucking blind. They prefer to get out by night usually, but here in this shitstick gray town they can get out without burning down to fucking ashes. The only exception is Kanaya.   
You start on your way to the town lab along with your neighbor Vriska, because the old man's back and you want to inquire to see if he'd be willing to give you a starter. Vriska can be a total bitch, but the two of you've got some common interests, like Nicholas Cage. As you walk, she extends her leg and since you are very clumsy you fall face first on the dirt road.  
-HAHAHAHAHA! YOU TOTALLY FELL FOR IT!  
-Ugh shut up, this was fucking mean and useless.. Now I'm all dirty! You say trying to wipe the dust from your shirt.  
The laughters startled a nearby   
passerby, and you recognize Terezi as she skips towards you, holding her cane in one hand and an empty pokeball in another. She was probably getting prepared in case she had permission from Oak to set off.  
-Hey guys, where are you all going?  
She snickers at your once white shirt. She probably smelled the color.  
-Oh, gonna see if the old man's got some cool starters and pokedexes or some shit.  
-I'm coming then, wouldn't want to be left apart! She slaps off some dirt that was on your shoulder.  
The three of you go back to walking. Silently. You hate silence.  
-So, uh, you think he'll have some starters for us?  
-I don't know much of them.. I guess we'll see there! The blind girl wipes her glasses on the bottom of her shirt and puts them back on, which was totally useless because she can't see anyways!  
-Why the heck do you wipe your glasses you're blind!  
-John, John, John... She went silent for a couple of seconds, trying to find a good reason. "I don't actually know... "  
The rest of the way went in complete silence. Happily, you were close and arrive shortly. As you push the double glass doors, you enter a scientific mess with people running around everywhere carrying glass tubes and furniture and complicated scientific instruments. You even see a scientist carrying another scientist!  
-umm can someone... Excuse me sir do y-... Uh is the professor Oak around?  
You get no attention whatsoever and the two troll girls stay by your side, not willing to get stuck in the traffic all alone.  
You catch a glimpse of grey hair and you see professor Oak. Finally! You frantically try to reach him, bumping around in the grumbling scientists. You reach the end of the stream but you trip on a wire and fall face-first (again) directly in front of the elder. You get up hastily, and good news the floor is always clean in a lab! Oh phew you thought you'd broken your glasses for real this time.  
-Hello-professor-welcome-back-I-thought-maybe-you'd-have-some-starters for-us-to-take-and--  
-Oh my, John, calm down! I barely understood all you said, you talked so fast! And yes, I've got some interesting pokemons for you all! but not today though, my lab is not ready. Come back with everyone tomorrow at noon, and by then I'm sure they'll be ready!  
-Uh.. ok we'll be back tomorrow I guess...  
You turn around and make your way back to the door, Vriska and Terezi following behind him. You felt pretty dissatisfied but you couldn't wait for tomorrow! As soon as you get home, you run upstairs as fast as you can and make a new memo with your pesterchum. You add everyone and  
-ectoBiologist (EB) started a new memo-  
EB: hey guys oak has some pokemons for us tomorrow  
-turntechGodhead (TG) started answering to memo-  
TG: oh sweet finally 5 fucking years later  
TG: when the fuck do we have to go there  
EB: 12  
TG: shit that's early  
-terminallyCapricious (TC) started answering to the memo-  
TC: Aw ShIt MaN tHaTs A MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLe ThE oLd MaN's BaCk  
TC: I'lL bE tHeRe FoR mOtHeRfUcKiNg SuRe  
EB: awesome. vriska and terezi too, they came with me at his lab  
-apocalypseArisen (AA) started answering to memo-  
AA: I'll be there t00. t00k the 0ld man s0 much time.  
-twinArmageddons (TA) started answering to memo-  
TA: Fuck yeah fiinally. Count on me a22hole2.  
-centaursTesticle (CT) started answering to memo-  
CT: D--> I'll be there, and Nepeta too. She's here and she says she's really happy.  
-carcinoGeneticist (CG) started answering to memo-  
CG: OH YEAH WERE *FINALLY* GONNA RECEIVE THESE LITTLE FUCKERS  
CG: GONNA LEAVE THIS FUCKASS TOWN  
CG: AND CATCH EM ALL  
EB: i'll take that as a confirmation  
-tentacleTherapist (TT) started answering to memo-  
TT: I confirm my presence at this important event.  
EB: sweet  
-adiosToreador (AT) started answering to memo-  
-tentacleTherapist (TT ) ceased answering to memo-  
AT: uH, i GUESS THATS  
AT: cOOL  
AT: i'LL BE UH, tHERE,,,  
-adiosToreador (AT) ceased answering to memo-  
-grimAuxiliatrix (GA) started answering to memo-  
GA: I'll Be There Too. Pardon Me I Got To Go.  
-grimAuxiliatrix (GA) ceased answering to memo-  
-gardenGnostic (GA) started answering to memo-  
GA: yaaaaaay! ill be there :D <3  
-cuttlefishCuller (CC) started answering to memo-  
CC: Me and -Eridan will be T)(ere!!  
EB: perfect! now since everyone has answered i'm closing this shit  
-ectoBiologist (EB) closed memo-  
You lay back oh your chair and exhale. Everyone will be there. You get up (not so swiftly) and trip (once again) on your bed cover laying on the ground. Ow. This hurts. Again. you proceed to open the wii on the floor besides the TV. you put in a game and start to play. after a while, your dad calls you for supper. Letting out a low growl, you stop your console. You're confused whether you should be happy for food or pissed because you had to stop playing. Oh, and why is that important? You shrug it off and just decide to go with a pleased food. I meant mood! My bad. Surely, upon arriving downstairs, you trip! Is there even someone clumsier than you? You seriously doubt it. Your clumsy little self makes its way to the kitchen and sits down. Your dad drops a plate of your favorite meal, barbecue ribs. Wait, since when is your old barbecue working?  
-Dad, how did you make these? Wasn’t the old thing broken?  
-Well, since its your last day here, I supposed I could borrow the neighbors' one for you... I'm so proud of you, son...  
You can see the shine of a tear before he wipes it. You'll miss him, you guess.. The ribs are soon eaten off, and after a big thankful hug to your dad, you run upstairs. Your bag is already packed and besides the door downstairs, but you wanted to see Rose tonight. She has a soothing personality, and you're starting to anticipate way too much and need to calm down.  
-ectoBiologist (EB) started pestering tentacleTherapist (TT)-  
EB: rose  
EB can I come over?  
There is a good three minutes before her answer.  
EB: Oh, hey John! Actually, i'm at Dave's house, we just rented some movie. Dave says its ok if you want to come over.  
EB: uh, ok, i'm coming. Keep some popcorn for me!  
-ectoBiologist (EB) ceased pestering tentacleTherapist (TT)-  
You get up and manage not to trip this time as you fly down the stairs.  
-DAD! I'm going at Dave's with Rose! Bye! You yell right before closing the door.  
Its mid-summer, and you sprint the kilometer separating you from your two friends. Ok, spriting might be a big word, you suffer from asthma after all... You manage to get there in five minutes without dying on the way and knock on the door. Rose opens the door. Ok, dave's house always makes you a bit... Uncomfortable. Dave's Bro is weird. He leaves puppets with giant asses everywhere in the whole place, you can't even open the refrigerator without having ten smuppets fall all over you!  
You caaarefully step in and... Nothing happens. Except rose is looking at you like you're the stupidest person on earth.  
"Ok come in already you dumb piece of cow shit"  
"Sorry.. I expected some crazy puppet asses falling all over me."  
She looks to the ceiling were, you both see, actually was a puppet trap! The door wasn't open wide enough for it to unleash its ass fury... Rose looks down to you and flashes a cruel grin before whamming the door open and jumping backwards. A rain of rainbow fucking puppets falls all over you and you are literally buried in felt!  
"Aaargh Jesus fucking christ Rose!" you pull yourself out of the pile of rainbow shit.  
"Yo."  
"oh uh, hey dave!! " you replace your shirt and flatten it out as fast as you can, and the "therapist" looks at you. That was obvious John. Try some discretion John. You are horrible at hiding your crush John. That’s what her glare probably means.  
"Sup."  
"Uh, mostly nothing, uh, my dad made ribs.. I-I love ribs. Its fun to uh, lick the sauce on the bone, y'know"  
You hear a hard slap. Rose just facepalmed herself so hard her face now sports a red hand-shaped mark on her forehead. She looks at you with a "that sounded so wrong" look and you then realize how stupid were these little lines you just blurted out. Your face slowly becomes red as you grow aware of yourself but Dave twirls around and walks to his living room. Is that... Red you see? On his ears? Probably not. You shrug it off as Rose sighs and the two of you follow Dave and get all comfy on the couch. Miss psycho does you the pleasure of sitting between you and Dave, to keep you from awkward tensions and possibly horrible situations. Dave stretches and grabs the remote, presses play and the movie starts. Oh shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit it's a scary movie. Poltergeist. You simply CANNOT WATCH scary movies. It doesn't start all that bad, though. The ghost appears friendly. But then it starts. You feel your blood rush faster because of your increasing heart rate, and you start shaking uncontrollably. Rose, having seen that movie multiple times, knows there is a scary part ahead. She gives you a cruel smirk and gets up to go to the bathroom.  
You look at her go grimly and take your attention back to the screen.  
"AHHHHHHHH"  
Without even noticing, you jumped onto Dave and are now burying your face in his neck while you shake like a chihuahua.  
"John are you ok?"  
"I-I-I can't wat-tch horror movies imnotgonnasleepeveragain"  
As you say that you slowly sit back on the couch, and not on the Dave anymore. You still like his contact a lot more than Rose's so you stay close enough so your thighs touch. Your stupid eyes can't adjust anymore. They keep dilating over and over and you can't see a damn fucking thing. When Rose comes back something like 10 minutes later she looks at you and Dave and decides to sit on the side. You can tell from her smirk this was all a plan. Sneaky bitch.  
"Dave don't you have like chips or popc-" He hastily shushes you by placing his hand on your mouth. Without meaning to, you shiver and your eyes flutter.  
"Don't talk about food so loud my Bro will snap my fucking neck if we touch his food!" he whisper angrily.  
Rose gets up and walks normally to the kitchen, makes popcorn, then sits back down.  
"did you even hear what I said you fucktard!"  
She just shrugs and offers him some popcorn.  
"oh, fuck you" he takes a handful and eats it one bit at a time, by sticking his tongue on it and then bringing it to his mouth. Its pretty distracting, watching his tongue go back and forth. No, you shan't think about THAT right now, you don't want a boner just in front of him, don't you?  
You turn your face back to the screen where the little girl is being abducted, making you take the bright decision to simply close your eyes and wait. You still hear screeches and cries, but you want to keep the little amount of dignity you still have, so you don't block your ears. Who needs sleep anyways?  
This torture is finally over. Rose and Dave are commenting on how badly made the movie was while you're squished between them. You can't even blink without having a mini heart-attack. The popcorn you were holding is now crushed down to bits in your clenched fists.  
It still is 8h30 though, and you guess you should get some more sleep tonight since you're leaving tomorrow.  
"I gotta go, have to be there at noon tomorrow. Don't forget guys!"  
"Wait, i'm gonna drop you home on my scooter. Its too late to be walking outside alone, y'know ghost pokemons and shit, and you'll get there really fucking faster."  
"uh.. Ok."  
Dave shows you the way down to the garage and you wait for him there, eyeing the shiny scooter that'll be the carriage for you and your prince. Said "prince" arrives with two black helmets.  
"could have had given you the unicorn helmet. You should feel lucky."  
"why the fuck do you have a unicorn helmet wow."  
‘’I don't even fucking know dude."  
After you get "seated", Dave puts the key in and twists. The machine starts and you blast out of the garage. The trip takes no time and you're home after only 3 minutes of holding Dave's waist. What this wasn't long enough can you even have a refund?  
You drop off the scooter and "scoot" home, and you turn just in time to see Dave take off and head back home. A sweet smell awaits when you enter your house. Following the aroma, you end up on a plate of chocolate chip peanut-free cookies and a glass of milk. There's also a note.  
"Good night my son."  
"What the hell dad its 8h36 and you're sleeping?" it fuses out of your mouth without even telling you and you hear a faint answer from the kitchen.  
"Not yet, I'm baking you some food for tomorrow.’’   
‘’is it betty crocker?..’’  
‘’No this other one was in special and I thought you’d like some change!’’  
Yes. hell fucking yes. You skip ungracefully to the kitchen and open the saloon-ish doors. inside floats a delicious cake scent and you see cookies and muffins stuffed in tupperwares. You are actually really satisfied that for once its not Betty Crocker. You’re getting real tired of her shit, seriously.  
You give a light hearted hug to your dad and get up those horrible and dangerous stairs. After getting prepared and laying in bed, it doesn’t take you long to fall asleep.   
But having fell asleep nervous you have really bad dreams. You see atrocities happen, Like your Goth friend Aradia being gravely burned on her face and arms, and Reliving the moment where Tavros fell down a cliff because Vriska made him trip. You see your house on fire, as it had been 4 years ago. With the weight of these dreams on your shoulder, you barely even manage to rest a bit.  
You wake up at eleven at the sound of you alarm and sit up straight in your bed. you knock off your alarm searching for your glasses and it breaks. Meh. Its not like you were going to use it again anyways. You get up and hop in for a short shower (you might not get one in quite a long time) Then grab your bag and fly down the stairs. you give your dad a last hug before grabbing the food he cooked for you and your 15 friends (thats some heavy shit) and you run directly in the door. your nose is bleeding, but you’ve managed to keep your glasses in one piece again.   
Sliding out on the dirt road, you bifurcate and knock at Vriska's door. You know she has an habit of sleeping late, and you want to make sure she’ll wake up. you hear a mumble behind the hard wood door and come in her ‘’lair’’ full of spider-webs. She’s sleeping in her room, and you prefer not going downstairs because of her lusus that lies there. You just call down the flight of stairs.  
‘’Vriska wake the hell up you’re gonna be late!’’  
‘’I’m up...’’  
‘’No I mean get out of your bed and get prepared!’’  
‘’I’ll catch you up... just go, mr. asthmatic...’’  
‘’Ok, fine, fuck you too!’’  
The door is inviting you, and you accept as fast as you can to get out of this horrible atmosphere lying in the girl’s house. you take your time, you had planned to stay more time waiting for Vriska. but the cakes/cookies/muffins are starting to get heavy on your poor shoulder so you stride faster. As the lab appears in your view, you notice some of your friends are already there. This makes you walk even faster and you end up running to your friends. You slow your pace as you see that Dave has some bandages around his right wrist, and that makes you go even faster then.  
"What happened Dave?" A worried frown has started to grow on your face since the moment you slowed down, and you must look pretty fucking worried right now.  
"I was fighting fucking dinosaurs what did you think! No, really, when I entered my garage my fucking Bro had set a puppet trap to punish me for taking his food, and one got caught in my scooter's fucking front wheel and I got ejected, I hit the wall with my arm first. And why do you have blood on your face?" you saw a faint change in his forehead, indicating he's worried under his shades. It warms your heart a bit.   
"I ran face first in my door..." you clean the blood (well part of it) with a napkin that was in the bag and look around your surroundings.   
There are only you, Dave, Rose and Equius and Nepeta which was running after her "meowrail" in the field besides the building.  
Today was a gray day too. Like almost everyday. Why are there even plants around you is something you wonder about every gray day. You get back to look at your friends. Dave is pretty tall, and he's got freckles all over his face. Stop right there, you don't want these thoughts again! He has a long thin body... Ok you better stop right here. You report your attention to Rose, who had probably escorted Dave here. She's a bit chubby, but she wears it well. She's short too. Her purple-ish eyes only reach your mouth, and its not like you're even reach yourself the average height.  
The two trolls running in the field are almost opposites. Equius was really Tall, and muscular, while nepeta was tiny and much more feline in appearance, even if she's as strong as her moirail.   
Footstep start to make themselves audible and you all turn to the road to see... A big bag moving alone? On no wait, look, thats Sollux under there. He apparently didn't decide to travel light, heh? As soon as he arrives he collapses with his enormous bag and emerges from underneath the thing.  
"Sollux, did you really have to bring that much shit?"  
"What do you think asshole, if its in my bag I'll probably fucking need it?" he walks towards you, replacing his 3D glasses. He's just a little bit taller than you, but he really lacks some mass. His tongue is split in two at the end, which makes him pronounce his "s"'s a lot more than necessary. A backpack suddenly falls right next to Nepeta and Equius, the two of them having joined your circle, and you look around you, seeing no one around. You hear a loud thump and turn around. Aradia had landed besides you and Nepeta had "pawnced" on her. Both of them were tangled in each other and laying on the ground. 

You start offering baking goodies to your friends and happily chomp down a pokeball cookie.A couple of minutes later, and lots and lots of excited chattering, everyone has finally arrived and you find yourself wondering which pokemon you are gonna choose. You still have no idea of what creatures lie in their capsule in this laboratory.  
Hurried footstep sounds are coming from the road, and like a well oiled machine, every single one of you turn to look at the professor.  
"Sorry kids I had a..."  
"its ok just open the glubbing door!" Feferi was jumping restlessly.  
With a shrug, Pr. Oak turned the key in the lock and open the door, and you all rush inside.   
The "decoration" had been completely remade. Around every wall were pokeball stands with an animated hologram of what lays in the encapsulated system. The assistants had installed a large table in the middle for you to await the professor's instructions, at which you take place and put your pastries on.   
"Ok kids. With some logic we can deduce that going on a pokemon quest sixteen people all together could be quite difficult and complicated. On which words I would ask you to get in teams of four, to facilitate transport and still have a way to defend yourself easily."  
On cue, the large table splits in four smaller tables, and the chairs whirl around them. Everybody gets up and rush to their friends. you awkwardly stand and look around. Terezi is already piggyback on karkat, and you didn’t doubt from the start that they’d stick together. Kanaya and Rose are sitting at a table, carelessly chatting and waiting for whoever would join them. Aradia, Nepeta and Equius are chatting between the tables and Vriska is striding towards them with a murderous grin.  
You take in a deep breath, gather your courage and walk up to Dave. He’s concentrated on looking too cool to ask people to team up himself to team up, but you can see his slightly worried frown.  
“Dave?”  
“‘Sup.”  
“You alone?”  
“... Yeah.”  
“Wanna be in the same team as me?”  
“Why the fuck not.”  
Both of you take place at the last free table and are soon joined by Terezi and an obediently following Karkat (not that he has any choice anyways).  
“Hey coolkid!”  
Said coolkid answers with a nod and lays back on his chair. Looks like your team is complete. The other ones too, apparently, for professor Oak clears his throat to draw attention to himself. He taps on the table where you are sitting and tells your group to stand up. He hands you the famous pokedex and motions you to go choose a pokemon.   
You eagerly strut to the first hologram, displaying some sort of turtle. You decide you’d look at each and every one to be sure you choose the right one. You see all sorts of weird things, from an otter to a monkey passing by amphibians and an fox, but the only one that catches your attention is that fire lizard, charmander. You yank the pokeball out of its pedestal and bring it to Oak so that he registers it in your newly acquired pokedex. You sit, waiting for the others.

**************************************************************

Your name is Dave Fucking Strider and you’re currently choosing your very first pokemon. John, one of your teammates, has already chosen his and is sitting at the table. You hate to admit it but the only one that’s really appealing to you is that small orange chick, but you’re afraid of what people would think if you chose this one. See, its not the coolest one...  
“Hurry up kids, you’re not the only ones that have to choose!”  
You decide that fuck it and you pull on torchic’s ball and oh what the fuck why did you have to smash the holder over on the ground that’s so uncool. You replace it hastily and the most coolly you can. You then walk to Oak and as soon as the Torchic is yours you sit back at the table.  
“Hehehehehehehehehe”  
“Shut up Egbert” you whisper aggressively.

**************************************************************

 

You are now John Egbert and you are rather surprised of the pokemon your friend Dave has chosen. You won’t open your mouth though because you don’t want to hurt his ego. Karkat comes back with a mole-like pokemon, and Terezi runs to you cradling her capsule.  
“It looks exactly like a scalemate!” She whispers. You can’t hold back a chuckle at her excitement.   
The other tables go one by one, and you watch them choose their new partners. The second team is formed by Eridan, Jade, Feferi and Sollux. The Tyrian clings to her low-blood boyfriend, and he doesn’t seem annoyed the slightest bit. They are followed by Nepeta, Equius, Aradia and Vriska, and then Kanaya, Rose, Gamzee and Tavros.  
When everyone is done, Oak bid you farewell and you all took off on different ways. Unfortunately, this mean farewell to your friends. Moirals were separated, Kismesises had to say goodbye. Everyone sure hoped to see each other as often as possible, but the band-aid method had to be used.You line up at the end of the road, facing the forest. Terezi takes a step in front of you.  
"where to now?"


End file.
